i don't understand...

I had an unfortunate experience with food poisoning yesterday afternoon. After what I thought was a delicious plate of beef hor fun over lunch, I started getting queasy 4 hours later and saw the room spinning. So off to the doctor I went.

Now this is the crazy part. The doctor figures that it is food poisoning and proceeds to prescribe medication for stomach ache, nausea, charcoal pills and diahorrea. And the nurse instructs me that all medication has to be taken after food. AFTER FOOD!!!

What part of food poisoning do they not understand? Here I am, feeling sick to my stomach, puking out my lunch, and I have to eat some more food so I can take the medication to make me feel better!!! Classic....

Happy and Sad...

The start of this week was both happy...and sad for me. I was elated that my beloved Hawkeyes, who began their 2005 Football season last Saturday, steam-rolled Ball State 56-0. A shut out too! I know some folks out there will say "It's Ball State and they suspended 13 starters because of NCAA violations". But it was a great confidence booster for the Hawkeye running game, scoring 5 rushing TDs (halfway to last season's total of 10) in this game. I was happy!...


Then I got sad. My favorite NFL receiver, Jerry Rice, announced his retirement on Monday. As a 49er fan, I've seen what Rice could do and his combination with quarterback Joe Montana and Steve Young in the past was surreal. Each TD was highlight reel material. His burst of speed to pull away from defenders after a catch was a joy to behold, poety in motion. And I feel sad that we'll never see another score from Rice ever again. All I can say is "No.80, thanks for all the memories!". There'll never be another one like you....ever.....I need a beer.

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?!!!

Finally.

The start of Fall semester in the US means only ONE THING...football is around the corner. I've endured more than 6 months after the Superbowl of football withdrawal that I am so glad it is coming to an end now.

Fantasy football drafting is also in full swing and that's keeping me busy this weekend. For those who are looking for a league to join, feel free to join one at Yahoo that I'm running this season.

League name is Big 10 ROCKZ!

League ID# 97581
pw football

Autodraft will occur once the league is filled and we've only got 2 more spots left. So check it out today and get ready to have your a&^ kicked this season!

We're all gonna get sick...

The air is worse today...

This is the "before" picture:



This is today's picture:



There must be a way to penalize Indonesia for pushing this foul-smelling, polluted air in our direction.

Adam Sandler is a cool dude!

I watched an Adam Sandler mini-movie marathon recently covering flicks such as The Waterboy, 50 First Dates, Spanglish and The Longest Yard. And I have to say, Adam Sandler is an actor that will never win an Oscar because the folks at the academy of motion picture arts and sciences do not recognize what a genius he is.

In this day and age where studios worry about having the biggest explosions or the biggest names attached to their latest movies, Sandler goes about his business in the only way he knows how...producing and starring in movies that just seem more human and fun.

He does not have the looks of a typical "A-lister" celebrity. In fact, he looks dorky, looks at the ground when he speaks his lines, and acts like a jerk or retard (or both) in most movies. But his character always reaches out to the audience. We all want to be his friend OR want to be him. Why is he so likeable? Here are my top 3 reasons:

1. He acts like your old college buddy, fun to hang around with, have a beer, watch some sports etc.
2. He doesn't give a f&^% about authority and always does things his way
3. He's a loser that always ends up with the hot girl

What's not to like right?

Fun Reading when going No. 2...

Many of us (come on, admit it...) catch up on our reading when we go to the crapper. It's your very own 'special time' I like to call it. Instead of reading the typical newspaper or magazine, why not try reading the following books for a change?

The first is a fun book entitled "Everybody Poops" by Taro Gomi. The book's simple message is that 'pooping is a normal part of everyday life for all'! And for added fun, make sure to read "The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts" by Shinta Cho. These books are freely available at your neighborhood chain bookstore (I kid you not).

The next book is entitled "You, The Owners Manual" written by Dr Roizen and Dr Oz (yes the same Dr Oz featured on Oprah's show). Home in on the section about crapping for some great insights. The good doctor says that if poop hits the water sounding like a Mexican cliff diver (i.e it slices the water), it's good. If it is dropping in like little bombs, like 'plop plop', then there is a problem.

Dr. Oz also encourages us to look at our poop, yes, LOOK. If it comes out in the shape of a banana, nice and round, then its good. If it comes out small pellets, that's no good. He also feels we should not get fixated by the number of bowel movements you have. An average person has a poop a day, some go every other day and that's ok. But if you only go only a couple of times a week, that should be monitored closely.

Reading these books while you are going Number 2 will give you a whole new perspective to a completely natural body function, among other things. This is not crap reading. Rather, it is reading about crap while crapping!

This is the funniest thing I've read this month. An early copy of Revenge of the Sith bought in China has strangely funny English subtitles....Check it out here! It could have better dialogue than the one Lucas wrote.

We must consider letting piracy continue so that we could unearth further gems like these.

It's time to make a change...

Every year, the top soccer clubs in Europe spend an obscene amount of money on new players and player contracts. Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich spent over £1bn in the 2003-04 season. Real Madrid spent huge sums of money assembling a club full of individual stars such as David Beckham, Micheal Owen (both pictured) Luis Figo, Ronaldo, and Raul. What happens is that it becomes a mirror of society, between the haves and the have nots. There is a great financial divide between the top and bottom clubs. How much fun is it if the same teams contend for the championships each year. How about making it a level playing field?

Soccer in Europe should take a page or two out of American professional sports. First, introduce salary caps into the league. For those uninitiated, each team in the NFL, or the NBA, has a maximum salary amount they can spend each year on players. This ensures that no one fields an entire team of "divas" I mean "stars". Secondly, have a system where the best players available each year are 'drafted' by the worst performing teams based on their league table position at the end of the previous season. This evens out the overall skill levels in each team and makes games more fun to watch.

It IS time for a change people! Give everyone a chance to succeed....What do you think? Let me know.

the beginning...

I thought I'd start off talking about 'THE END'...

the end of the world.

Not sure how many have seen the flick War of The Worlds but I have to say I was a tad disappointed with it. The movie was more hype than anything. It was thrilling to see the tripods rising from the ground and wreck absolute destruction in their wake but the rest of the plot tasted like leftovers. Entering the 'rear orifice' of the alien just seems to parrot a funnier and more entertaining movie called "Evolution", starring David Duchovny and Orlando Jones.

The ending was even more abrupt. I know many said that this was the ending in the book and considering when the book was publish, this piece of work was revolutionary for its time. But again, I felt that we were shortchanged. I mean if the aliens had been watching us for so many years and planning the invasion since the beginning, they should have enough intelligence to plan for the germs in our atmosphere and hence take appropriate measures. Aren't they supposed to be highly evolved beings?

Save your money and catch it on cable or rent it when it comes out....really.